I wish

That I was close to my parents. I wish that I could go up to my dad and hug him the way I want to, without any akwardness. I wish my mom and I could really talk about things together.

I wish I could open up to the both of them, let them know that they don't have to treat me just like a boy anymore, tell them I'm genderqueer, mixedgender, androgyne, inbetween. Let me be the daughter they always wanted too. Let me be the person I want to be with them.

I keep hiding this secret. I let them treat me like something I'm not, because I don't know how they would react if I told them the truth. They might be horrified. They might just think its a phase. They might tell me I need medical help, that I have to go back to the shrink, that there is something wrong with me.

I'm going home, later this afternoon, and I wish I could just tell them, let them know that I'm both their son AND daughter AND something other, that I'm outside the binary, and that I like it this way. If I could do that, the walls would be broken, and I think I could just love the way I really truly want to.


Too bad its not going to happn.